Tick, tick…

10 Oct

I’m starting to hear the tick, tick, tick of the maternity leave countdown.  It’s getting ever louder and chasing me around the house, as the grains of sand pour through the hourglass and the pile at the bottom is decidedly larger than that at the top.

And as it always is, we are just entering the portion of leave that is so much more fun.  Benjamin is more alert, awake and loves to smile and coo.  He isn’t eating every twelve seconds so we are more able to leave the house for errands, chores and day trips.  He knows my voice – turning and seeking it out whenever we are out in public, and rewarding me with one of his amazing gummy smiles.

It’s unfair that these sweet moments have to come at the end.  While it makes the last days at home so much more special, it also makes the thought of it ending so painful.  When I think about Ben starting daycare, my throat feels thicker, a lump grows in my chest, my arms already ache with emptiness and my shoulder feels so lonely without its constant companion of the little snuggler.

But, and I pray this is true, it should be easier this time.  I’ve felt all these things before and survived.  So did Lucas… and he not only survived but looked daycare in the eye and made it his bitch.  He came home knowing things that I didn’t teach him, and it is a smarter, more confident boy for it. Benjamin will do all that too… I know it, and I constantly remind myself of it when thoughts of “will they hold him enough?” “will they play with him one on one?” “will they laugh at his smiles and show him theirs?” dance through my head. Honestly though, who could resist this?

BenjaminSmiles

So, while the tick, tick, tick grows louder, so will my fierce commitment to making the most of these days — and all those that will follow once I’m back at work full-time.

 

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2 Responses to “Tick, tick…”

  1. Marjorie Seamans October 10, 2013 at 10:08 am #

    Tick/ Tick was truly special. When are you going to write a book? Grampy

  2. GiGi October 10, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    How lucky those boys are to have you as their mom!!!!!!

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