Your First Letter

5 Jul

Dearest little one–

The countdown is on for your arrival — less than four weeks before you arrive on the scene.

I’m better prepared for your arrival than I was for your brother.  I know it is going to feel like the earth shifts, like my center of gravity sways and readjusts in a broader circle – now one that firmly grasps both of my boys at its heart.  I know it isn’t going to be easy.  At less than ten pounds (oh, I do hope…), you will cause a lot of chaos and probably a lot of tears.  I imagine in the beginning that I will be shedding as many as you — and Lucas may rival us both.  But, I also know the conclusion to the newborn story of sleepless nights and thankless days, and that conclusion is so incredible sweet and rewarding. The light at the end of the tunnel will hopefully shine bright enough on us both that I barely notice the tunnel walls this time around.

Things have already been so different with you.  When I was pregnant with your big brother, it was all “me, me, me” – how was I feeling, how was I coping, how ready was I, how thrilled I was to just be pregnant… This pregnancy has been much less about me and much more about you.  More doctors appointments to make sure that you are thriving. More time spent wondering and hoping that all will be well with you.  And it isn’t that I’m any less excited about being pregnant – I’m just so much more excited to be a mom again. The pregnancy is so much less important because you are waiting at the end of it for us.  And, we know how amazing you’ll be and how the nine tough months of pregnancy will fade, but the joy that you’ll bring to our lives will just get stronger with each passing day of your life.

It’s so hard to imagine you in anyway different than your brother.  But, I want you to know that you are different.  You will be your own boy – so much more than Luke’s brother alone – and we will love you as such.  You will find your own way, with our hands to hold along the path.  And, in some ways, you are even more blessed than he was.  Because, you have him, and he is wonderful.

In some ways, I feel better acquainted with you than I did with your brother at this point in my pregnancy. We are blessed to see you often and be checking on you even more frequently.  The sound of your heartbeat bounces around my days and echoes through my nights.  But, even though I feel like I know you… there is so much yet to learn, left to wonder and lots to for which to pray.

I pray that you are happy and know that you are so loved.  I hope that you will have confidence and candor in your life — and I promise to do whatever I can to help instill those qualities in you.  May you be willing to laugh at your mistakes and learn from your failures, for there will be many of both.   I want you to be generous and kind – willing to serve others before yourself but not at the expense of your own wellbeing.

I hope you have your Daddy’s sense of calm and willingness to roll with the punches. If I could, I’d gift you my love of books, reading and discovery.  Although I’ll probably regret it later, I’d love for you to share your brother’s ability to embrace adventure and risk – to jump in with two feet and barely a forward glance.  For all our sake, I cross my fingers that you love to sleep, and may you need many more hours each day than your brother seemed to thrive on.

There are a few things that I can promise you, little man.  I promise to be your eyes, your ears, your advocate before you even draw your first breath.  I promise to love you more than you can understand — even when it seems like I don’t like you all that much (hello terrible twos). I promise to keep your life filled with laughter, music and adventure.  More importantly, I promise to keep your life full of family. You are already so incredibly blessed with an extended family that loves and cares about you – I promise you’ll know them, and they you.  I promise you time – mine, Daddy’s, your brothers — and I’ll always be reminding myself that the weeks and months that you will want my time will be limited and I should treasure them.  I also promise you that when you don’t want my time anymore (hello teenage years…), you will still have it. I promise, that at first, mommy does know best.  And, I promise to try and recognize when I won’t know best anymore — because, I pray that your life will be rich with love, family, experience, travel, adventure, and with that, I promise that you will one day be smarter than Mommy and I’ll let you know best then… although not for a long, long time.

Life will be grand, my littlest man.  I cannot wait to meet you.

Love always,
Your Mama

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5 Responses to “Your First Letter”

  1. GiGi July 5, 2013 at 5:13 pm #

    This letter to our sweet new one, is the best anniversary present a GiGi could ever ask for. What a lucky boy he is to have you as his mother!!!!!!!

  2. Nan & Pops July 5, 2013 at 7:19 pm #

    Your letter made me cry, but it was a good cry. You are a wonderful mother and I am so proud of you. Your boys are truly blessed.

  3. Megan July 5, 2013 at 7:51 pm #

    Aunt Megan is soooo excited to meet the newest sweet boy! Love him to pieces already!

  4. ann lindblade July 6, 2013 at 10:00 am #

    wHAT A BEAUTIFUL LOVING MESSAGE GOD BLESS ALL1

  5. Teresa July 7, 2013 at 11:10 am #

    Beautiful, you are so correct, little “brother” is already extremely loved by his Aunt T.

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