30 Jan

Some people are just good sleepers.  They lay down and fall asleep.  They don’t twist and turn… tossing the day’s events and tomorrow’s to do list over and over in their head while the sheets wrap around their legs and their pillow grows uncomfortable.

My husband is one of those people.  Now, granted, these days he doesn’t get lots and lots of sleep.  He goes to bed late and wakes up early.  He’s tired.  I get it.  But, as long as I’ve known him, he’s been a lay-down-and-go-to-sleep kinda guy. We’ve often joked that he could pull up a piece of ground somewhere and be fast asleep in moments.  Hard, uncomfortable floor?  No problem.  Little patch of grass.  Looks good to him.

Unsurprisingly, I’m the complete opposite.  The  moon must be in retrograde; the stars aligned; the room a perfect temperature; the sheets cool and straight;  the racing thoughts calmed…. the list of “musts” for me to sleep never ends.

One guess on who Luke takes after? Certainly not the easy-to-sleep husband… that would be much too ideal.  Of course, he’s his mother.  His pajamas have to be perfectly warm and comforting.  His monkey within arm’s reach.  The lights perfectly adjusted so that he can see a little bit, but not be overwhelmed with brightness.  And if he wakes up after 4am, well you can forget about returning to sleep (unless you are Tim who can sleep through most anything anywhere).

Even more mystifying to me than the easy sleepers of the world are the co-sleepers of the world.  The people who bring their babies/toddlers/children into their beds and blissfully snooze the night away.  What secret sauce are these people consuming that I haven’t tried?  Here’s what happens when Lucas comes in our bed:

– He rolls immediately on top of me.- He picks at my eyelashes, nose, hair.
– He spends excessive time loudly identifying my body parts.  And then his.
– He says “whatcho doin, mommy?” fifty five times.
– He pounds his feet against the mattress like a drum.
– Tim starts snoring and I start seething.

Now, on the off chance that he comes into our bed and actually sleeps — like the three times out of 423 that he has done this… it goes more like this:

– He rolls immediately on top of me.
– He needs to hold my hand and rub my face while he falls asleep.
– He begins snoring.  Loudly.  Three inches from my ear.
– His pacifier begins to make a squeaking noise.- He uses my back/side/butt as a place to prop his legs.  And then readjusts them with stabbing motions every three and a half minutes.
– I spend the next two hours wondering why I ever think it is a good idea to bring him into our bed, and simultaneously considering making him a doctor’s appointment because, my god, how can one two year old make so much noise while he sleeps, something must be wrong.



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